Welcome to this week’s installment of Teachable Moments. I’m continuing to focus on Sarah Darer Littman‘s forthcoming title Want to Go Private to be released this coming Tuesday. This week I’m excited to share with you a Q & A that gives you some insight into Sarah and her wonderful book. I have to tell you, that this is one of my favorite Q&A’s I’ve ever done. Sarah is thoughtful, honest and gives great perspective on a very serious subject. She also makes me laugh out loud (see the last question for proof!) with her wit. Please join me in welcoming back Sarah Darer Littman.
MF:
I follow you on twitter and it’s clear to me that advocacy for issues you’re passionate about is important to you. Was this book born of a larger cause?
SDL:
It was really born of a burning need for understanding – I met Supervisory Special Agent Tom Lawler of the New Haven FBI Office when he gave a presentation on Internet Safety at my son’s school two and a half years ago. He told me about a girl who ran off with a predator. Her mom was obviously pretty clued up, because she had the passwords to the girl’s Internet accounts, so the authorities were able to catch up with the pair pretty quickly, but even so they were almost at the Canadian border. But what got me was the girl’s reaction when they were apprehended – it wasn’t “Oh thank you for rescuing me!” but rather “Don’t hurt him!”
As soon as SSA Lawler said that, I exclaimed, “That is the book.” Because I needed to know how she got from having all the Internet Safety talks in school, and having a mom who’d clearly spoken to her about online safety, to “Don’t hurt him!” It was a question that plagued me so much that I had to give up writing the book I was supposed to be working on and write this one instead. I just HAD TO KNOW.
MF: As a parent, do you do anything specific to keep your children’s “heads on straight” about the dangers of social networking?
SDL: Constant conversations. Parenting is all about the conversations. But I also have told my kids that having monitoring software on their laptops until they are 18 is a condition of being online. It’s always been an open thing, never secret, and it’s enabled us to have some very important discussions about appropriate behavior. My son just turned 18 and I sent him an email telling him I’d removed the software (I did it remotely while he was in the UK with his dad) and wishing him “Happy You Are Now Legally And Financially Responsible For Your Own Actions Online Day!”
MF: Quite a bit of the time Abby (the victim) was being blamed for what had happened between she and Luke. Were you worried about readers reaction to the parts that appeared to blame the victim?
SDL: To be honest, until I read your question, I didn’t even think about that. Now I’m worried!
I just wrote the situation as I thought it would really happen. I knew from my research (for example, A Girl’s Life Online, the memoir based on a true case in CT that is often used to teach Internet Safety in schools) that the victim can face that kind of judgmental behavior from friends, family and the wider community, even though she had been manipulated by an older, more experienced person. I also knew, from my own experience as a victim of childhood sexual abuse, that no matter how much a therapist might tell you that you are not to blame for what happened to you, you will feel responsible, guilty and defective, even if you were so young that what was happening didn’t even make sense. So in writing that part of Abby’s experience, I had to make it real, even though I hated having her go through it.
While I wanted to leave Abby (and the reader) with hope, I also didn’t want to pretend she’s totally fine and will definitely live happily ever. She really is at the beginning of the journey to recovery. It’s fully possible that Abby can go on to live a happy and productive life – I’m living proof of that – but first she’ll have to travel along the Recovery Road – which is a bumpy, winding and full of obstacles and runs beside a deep, dark chasm.
MF: Aside from the powerful messages about digital literacy and internet safety that “Want to Go Private” carry, you also included a realistic view of bullying. What encouraged you to focus on Abby’s treatment by her peers? Did you consider leaving that element out for fear of diluting the overall message?
SDL: I don’t think I could have left that out and told the full story, because the implications of one small mistake online are just so huge and far-reaching. I didn’t think it would be realistic for Abby to come back and have everything to come up roses for her. That’s just not how it would happen in real life, and I owe it to my readers to be honest.
I read this incredibly heartbreaking story in my research about a high school girl who sent a picture of herself nude to a boy she was dating. They broke up and he disseminated the picture around the school. She was bullied terribly, and ended up committing suicide. There were so many stories I encountered while researching WANT TO GO PRIVATE? that made me angry and sad. These are the realities kids face. That’s what’s so scary. It’s not just writing someone’s name on the wall of a bathroom stall, like it was when I was a teenager. The stall wall is the entire Web and names are painted there in a few mouse clicks.
MF: The story you told was, at times, hard to read because it was so very real. How difficult was it to crawl into the minds of these characters? What did you do to step away from the more difficult moments?
SDL: It actually really freaked me out to write the parts as Luke. Whenever my daughter would come home from school when I was writing a chat scene and come to give me a hug, I’d say, “Don’t come near me! I’m a dirty man!!”
I didn’t want to touch her or have her touch me while he was in my head. I’d want to take a shower when I was finished writing the scenes involving Luke. Being him made me feel sordid.
I’m very fortunate to have an Amazing Boyfriend who owns a convertible that he lets me borrow. So when I needed to clear my head, I’d go out for a spin with the top down and blast Led Zeppelin really loud. Even in the middle of the winter.
MF: One of the best parts of this story for me was that the reader spends the bulk of the time in the heavier places of Abby’s life, yet are still given some moments of light-heartedness. Were you ever worried that this book would be considered too dark (or even too scary) for the teen reader?
SDL: Not until Meghan Cox Gurdon wrote that “THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!!!” article in the Wall St Journal
But seriously…
At every moment of writing this book I was conscious of walking a very difficult tightrope between trying to portray the reality of the grooming process, where according to my research predators get “very dirty very quickly,” with the sensibilities of my teenage audience – and their gatekeepers. I made a decision to focus on listening (the predator’s greatest weapon) and seduction as much as possible to minimize the other “content”. Yet it’s impossible to write a realistic book about an Internet predator without any sexual content. That would be a half truth, and I respect my readers too much to do that.
I do, however, feel that moments of levity are critical – I wouldn’t have survived my own life without them.
MF: What kind of feedback have you received from the educational community? Have you been surprised by any of the reactions those who may use this book as a tool in their classroom have expressed?
SDL: I’ve been gratified to have been told that it’s “an important book.” I know that a media specialist that kindly read the manuscript for me was anxious to have a more up to date book for kids to read, because in A Girl’s Life Online, Katie Tarbox meets the predator in an AOL chat room and kids are like, “What’s that?”
MF: What’s next for you? Do you have another book in the works?
SDL: I do! And thankfully, it’s a complete change of pace. Writing WTGP really took it out of me, and believe it or not, I’m actually a quite a humorous person beneath all this seriousness.
I’m working on a funny middle grade about kids from an anime club who go to a Con. Hijinks ensure. The research for this book is SO. MUCH. FUN. I’m heading to Otakon July 29-31 and to my son’s utter mortification I’m cosplaying as Lara Croft. He’ll be there with his friends pretending he doesn’t know me and that we are in no way related by blood. Unless he needs money, of course.
Thank you Sarah for taking the time to answer these questions. Readers, I can’t encourage you strongly enough to run out and pick up a copy of Want to Go Private [Indie Bound] [Amazon]. It’s a book that is well worth reading and then sharing with your friends, family and anyone who may learn from it. It’s a great book club read, a fantastic conversation piece and just a really amazing story.